Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Melancholia sucks ass

I have to review this movie, Melancholia. I can't review it on the IMDB website because you have to write at least 10 lines of review, and my review of it is way shorter than 10 lines.

My review of Melancholia: Pretentious movie about rich people.

IMDB wants me to elaborate on that statement for at least 10 lines. I'm not sure what to say. That it looks pretty? That a beautifully shot movie doesn't make up for what is essentially a self-indulgent, self-important, overly self conscious movie about people with far too much time and money?

For those of you who haven't watched it, summary: a depressed Kirsten Dunst has an extravagant wedding. You may watch it for her boobs. Alternatively, watch it to experience what it feels like to have Lars von Trier simultaneously weeping and wanking on you.

What I hate most of all are the overwhelmingly positive reviews about it, saying that it's a beautiful, expressive expression of personal emotions, depression, a deep insight into the human condition, etc. etc. etc. Possibly the single most annoying thing about this movie is that the reviews are not only also pretentious, but repudiate negative opinions about it. People who dislike this movie are either too simple to understand its complexity or too insensitive to appreciate the finer, deeper, more miserable emotions it explores, or, more offensively, Lars von Trier didn't make this movie for the likes of you.

All in all, the self-indulgence, the filthy richness, the pointlessness, the lack of good dialogue, the heavy reliance on beautiful camera-work to pull off this movie, the snooty glorification of it by the public, the pointlessness, the whole thing, just seems really vulgar.